The Guilt is Real! Overcoming Dad Guilt: Practical Steps for Dads

"Dad guilt" is a common struggle for many dads, characterized by feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and remorse related to parenting. It's that persistent sense that you're falling short as a father, despite your best efforts. You may be juggling a full time job, a side hustle, caring for elderly parents as well as wanting to be a good dad. Some employers are able to offer a degree of flexible working so do make sure that you know your rights regarding your working hours. However, if you are not able to change your working hours, this blog will give you some tips for the inner game of managing feelings of guilt.

As actor and dad Will Smith once said,

"You're never going to be perfect, but it's the striving for perfection that makes you who you are."

Here are five practical steps you can take to manage dad guilt:

1. Identify Negative Thoughts: Pay attention to the negative thoughts that fuel your feelings of guilt. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) techniques can help you recognize and challenge these thoughts. When you catch yourself thinking, "I'm not doing enough," ask yourself if this thought is realistic or if you're being too hard on yourself.

2. Reframe Negative Thoughts: Once you've identified negative thoughts, work on reframing them in a more positive and realistic light. For example, instead of saying, "I'm a failure as a dad," remind yourself of the times you've been there for your children and the positive impact you've had on their lives. Do the same for your guilt connected to your partner. Find an example of when you've been a great dad, such as a drawing they've given to you or a photo of something you have done together.

3. Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, just as you would a friend facing similar struggles. Instead of criticizing yourself for perceived shortcomings, offer yourself words of encouragement and support. Remember, no one is perfect, and it's okay to make mistakes. Identify one thing that might make your current situation a little easier.

4. Take Action

 Focus on actionable steps you can take to address the areas of parenting that trigger feelings of guilt. Whether it's spending more quality time with your children, seeking support from other dads, or prioritizing self-care, taking proactive steps can help alleviate dad guilt and foster a greater sense of confidence and fulfillment. It's likely that you are taking on slightly more than you can handle especially with the demands of parenting, so try and reach out to family or a babysitter. Small adjustments may be difficult at first but they are worth doing if they lead to some changes.

5.Share how you feel with others, you are not alone

More and more dads are coming forward to say that they feel guilty or they are struggling with overwhelm. Try to share this with other dads, trusted friends or your partner. It's likely that they feel the same or have felt the same at some point. You can also ask your child, "Would you like to spend more time with me or do more things together?" It might be that the child feels that they are ok or if they would like more time with you it's a chance for you to make that happen.

By incorporating these practical steps into your daily routine and practicing basic techniques from psychology to challenge negative thoughts, you can effectively manage dad guilt and embrace the joys and challenges of fatherhood with confidence and resilience. Remember, you're doing the best you can, and that's more than enough.